A little shed of hope....

Man, I'm so stressed out right now. Monday I had two interviews with two different Christian Bookstores. Yay! Exactly what I want to do! I was so excited about it! And then after a couple days of thinking about it, I started getting discouraged. Each place is about 45 minutes away. I was hoping to move there, get a new life there, be on my own...yadda yadda yadda. So, I sat down and did a budget for myself....that was even more discouraging. In order to survive in either one of these places, I would need at least $35,000 a year. One place already told me that they couldn't pay me that much, the other I'm going to talk to today, but my faith isn't big enough to beleive that they can afford it either.

I can't go through this again. I have been through so much in the past year. I feel like God keeps giving me these things, and I get all excited about it, and think "Wow, maybe I can like it here, maybe it will work out, there's hope!" and then they just fall flat on their face in front of me! I can't handle it again. I really can't. God says he will never give us more than we can handle. And I can't handle this. I really cant.

I don't know what they are going to say today. But I have to go in there and try to look my best, put on a big smile and FIGHT for my future. Or at least that's what it feels like anyway. I'm so stressed! Please pray for me!

Okay so I'm so stressed! Work has sucked lately...major. I ran across an email yesturday at work that was between Renee (the manager above me) and my district manager. Apparently she was trying to get rid of me. He says that he thinks she's threatened by me. I would like to know why I'm having so many problems with manager around this place. I didn't really have any problems in Florida. These people think that just because I have a degree and they dont that I'm trying to take their job and I'm not....I'm just trying to keep mine.

Family life is starting to suck again here lately. They want me to start paying rent now. Which is rediculous because they know I have a crappy job that doesn't pay anything and that stresses me out already.

My car still isn't working. We are now looking at the 3rd thing that is wrong with it. It's really starting to get rediculous. Jeremy has been really good about trying to fix it but I know it stresses him out. I wish he would let me take it somewhere. It would get done alot quicker too. He said tonight that he wasn't feeling good so he didn't want to hang out at all. Although I think he was going to hang out with Wes. I don't know. Whatever.

I'm ganna take my complaining little self away to hide somewhere and do my Lady in Waiting stuff.

Currently Listening Some Hearts By Carrie Underwood Jesus Take the Wheel see related

Life as of now is good! Really good! Been working on getting Lady in Waiting started. I'm really excited about it! We have a good group of girls that I think will get alot out of it! We shall see!
Me and boy are doing awesome! He's so amazing! He's got a heart of gold. He's a gentleman...and he hasn't changed since we met....that's who he is. He's not out to empress or anything. I'm starting to really see who he is....the ends and outs. We got pictures done the other day...and man he did not like that lady at all (taking the pictures). We were late for his nephews birthday party. He was so mad...yikes! He snapped at me once on accident and I let him have it...lol...not really. I just told him not to take stuff out on me when he's mad. Then of course he felt really bad.
We were talking about honeymoons and kids the other day...lol. I know I know....way to early. It was cool though. It's awesome to know that someone is interested in you like that....someone wanting to be with you forever!
I dont get to see him this week though. My church is doing a prayer and fasting thing. So me and Jeremy were trying to think of what we spend the most doing in our lives....and other than work (which unfortunately we cant fast) it was each other. So we aren't aloud to see each other this week. And we're not aloud to talk unless its an emergency.
That's about it for now! More updates....someday!

Currently Reading The Notebook By Nicholas Sparks see related

The weekend was really nice! He was sucha a sweetheart the whole trip...as always. The Williams were there with us....we rented a cabin. Fireplace, kitchen, the whole 9 yards. It was really really nice. It was good to be with him this weekend. We both got to relax. We've been working alot lately and usually on different shifts...so it was nice to be together.

Today was an off day for me...I've not been feeling to good. Not only did Aunt Flow and Unlce Time come to visit me...but my ear preassure got all messed up while we were in the mountains. And I cant hear anything. It's really getting irritating. I wish it would just pop back to normal. Well anyway...he came to eat dinner with me....and I told him I would call him when I got off to see where he was and whether he wanted me to come over or not. Well....my mom calls me and tells me I have to come home first. And I'm thinking I'm in some kind of trouble. I was all freaked out. I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong. BUT, to my surprise...I go home and there's roses waiting there for me on my bed! Man, I love him. I gave him a big hug when I saw him! So needless to say, we're doing good. I'll try to post some pictures up soon of this past weekend.

Leave a comment, let me know how your News Years went!